ICE BREAKERS
by Domineko du Surigao
“What good does it profit a man
if he owns the whole world
but knows not even the sound
of his own laughter ?”
Ok-enim-do
____________________________
by Domineko du Surigao
“What good does it profit a man
if he owns the whole world
but knows not even the sound
of his own laughter ?”
Ok-enim-do
____________________________
Which is right: The monkey eating eagle or the eagle eating monkey?
******
TEACHER: ‘What is your favorite food ?’
PUPIL: ‘Seafoods, Maam’.
TEACHER: ‘Why ?’
PUPIL: ‘Because everytime I see foods, I eat !
******
Women talk fast and longer than any man could. That’s why they never grew a moustache!
******
‘It is easy to identify the male from the female chicks’, said the expert.
‘How?’ asked the audience.’
‘The male chick eats female earthworms, while the female chick eats a male earthworms’, answered the expert.
‘Wow, how can we identify the male from the female earthworm?’ countered the audience.
‘On that, I’m no guru. I’m only expert on chiks,’ said he.
******
While Muhammad Ali has his ‘Fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee’ theme, the Pacman also has his ‘Bra-Ba-Li-Bin-Ta-Wan’. Courtesy of Alaksan.
******
HOST: ‘Lady, going back to High School Chemistry, can you still recall what this symbol NaCl (Sodium Chloride or Table Salt) stands for?’
LADY CONTESTANT: ‘Well, I seem to have forgotten it already’.
HOST: ‘I’ll give you a clue: It is a substance which you use to sprinkle on the eggs of your husband every morning’.
LADY CONTESTANT: ‘Yes, yes. I got it now’.
HOST: ‘What is it ?’
LADY CONTESTANT: ‘It’s Johnshion’s Baby Powder !
******
Pacman to the Hitman after that killer Left Hook: ‘Now, you know.’
******
Which do you prefer: The man who fart, or the woman whose snot have blown like a bubble gum upon hearing the fart ?
******
The rule says ¨LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Is’nt it Love another one?’
******
TEACHER: ‘Our lesson for today is about the letter M. Example: Mmmmman ! Mmmmmoon ! Mmmmmusic ! Alright, Peter, give me three words beginning with the letter M with emphasis on the Mmmmm sound, okay ?
PETER: Caught unprepared, suddenly answered : ‘MmmmCAT ! MmmmDOG ! MmmmPIG !
******
When the Presiding Judge said : ‘Let there be order’, the accused Politician retorted : ‘We have plenty of order, Your Honor. Depending on the pish and the dynamite!
******
Once upon a time in the far flung mountain barangay of Kanturatoy, there lived a farmer who had a 100 hectare land on which he patiently planted corn, corn for everybody within the vicinity, corn for all the livestocks raised in every household, corn for his keens and for his subsistence, too.
Harvest was bountiful for the first fifteen years.
The preceding years brought gloom and hunger while the corns saw a dwindling and dwindling produce as the earth became barren and dry like the wombs of a wilted woman. Except for the one and only one stalk of corn in the middle of the field that grew bigger and taller by the day like the proud and lofty trunk of a Philippine Lauaan Tree having then a base diameter of two meters. Indeed, it became a tree. Yes! A corn tree!
But without its ears. Without its fruits.
Thus, the painful conclusion of the owner to finally cut it off and end the anguish caused by the already unyielding land.
One day, the farmer took an axe and went to the middle of the field to cut the corn tree.
He struck on the trunk once, twice, thrice. The third strike took a good fist size chunk of the already wooded trunk and when he cleared the chips that barred the hole, there came a strange rumbling from within the bowels of the corn tree, a gurgling sound akin to the growling of a dragon from some subterranean tomb.
He leapt backward and took a stock of the white granules that seemed to ooze out of the hole… and then … Lo ! and Behold !
He suddenly shouted to the top of his voice: ‘Sacks ! Give me empty sacks ! Plenty of empty
Sacks !
For what came out from the severed trunk in endless fashion were grits, CORN GRITS already milled and polished to exact whiteness and size 12 of the true Cebuano corn !
Thus was born the Cebuano’s passion for corn and all those that goes with it.
******
HUSBAND: ‘That man is doing to his wife what I won’t do to a pig.’
WIFE: ‘Why, what’s he doing ?’
HUSBAND: ‘He’s kissing her !’
******
A Peeping Tom on his nocturnal voyeurism paying a peep to a newly-wed couple supposedly billeted in a beach house.
Upon coming to his hole in the wall, he peered through but was met with the inky darkness of the room. There was a whispered sound, however, resembling the knocking clap of castanets: Takatak ! takatak ! takatak ! takataktak !
He used his NVG (Night Vision Goggles) and … PRESTO !
What he saw was a pair of Human Skeletons … dancing the CHA-CHA !
Hence, the sound! hehe …
******
WHAT’S THIS ???
BEN: ‘Steve, you going fishing ?
STEVE: ‘Who, me ? No, I’m going fishing.’
BEN: ‘Oh, I thought you going fishing !’
******
The woman in the bar said: ‘Can you tell me about this story that you seem to be preoccupied these days?’
The author answered: ‘Alright. Listen. There was once a trio of ants marooned in an empty cup. Two of them were females and the other, a male. The females kept asking the male to help them get out of the cup for fear that hot water might be poured unto them.
The male merely shrugged and gave his Mona Lisa smile.
The two females became hysterical but then again pleading to the male to please help them find a way out.
Finally, the male ant answered: ‘Yes, I can help you get out but on one condition.’
‘Why, what is in your mind? What is that condition?’ asked the females.
‘I’d like to make love to the both of you,’ answered the male ant.
And so they made love surrounded with the claustrophobic wall of the cup; the male pouring out the passion and lust for the two female ants until exhaustion consumed them to slumber and the dawn found them already out of the cup.
The two females looked out for the male but he was nowhere to be found.
And then the eerie SILENCE …
WOMAN: ‘What happened? How did they get out from the cup?’
AUTHOR: ‘You want to know? Well, I can satisfy you curiosity it you agree to a one Condition.’
WOMAN: ‘And that would be….
AUTHOR: ‘Same with the ants !’
******
People, like many other things become dull when alone. Perhaps that was why God, seeing Adam so lonely in the garden of Eden, took a rib from him and invented the first “Loudspeaker”.
******
A young matron greeted her husband on the front porch and said: ‘Darling, let’s kill the turkey for tomorrow is our wedding anniversary.
’The husband, knowing that their marriage was not a successful and happy one; answered’: ‘Let the poor animal live. It has nothing to do with our rotten marriage!’
******
The rule says ¨LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Is’nt it Love another one?’
******
TEACHER: ‘Our lesson for today is about the letter M. Example: Mmmmman ! Mmmmmoon ! Mmmmmusic ! Alright, Peter, give me three words beginning with the letter M with emphasis on the Mmmmm sound, okay ?
PETER: Caught unprepared, suddenly answered : ‘MmmmCAT ! MmmmDOG ! MmmmPIG !
******
When the Presiding Judge said : ‘Let there be order’, the accused Politician retorted : ‘We have plenty of order, Your Honor. Depending on the pish and the dynamite!
******
Once upon a time in the far flung mountain barangay of Kanturatoy, there lived a farmer who had a 100 hectare land on which he patiently planted corn, corn for everybody within the vicinity, corn for all the livestocks raised in every household, corn for his keens and for his subsistence, too.
Harvest was bountiful for the first fifteen years.
The preceding years brought gloom and hunger while the corns saw a dwindling and dwindling produce as the earth became barren and dry like the wombs of a wilted woman. Except for the one and only one stalk of corn in the middle of the field that grew bigger and taller by the day like the proud and lofty trunk of a Philippine Lauaan Tree having then a base diameter of two meters. Indeed, it became a tree. Yes! A corn tree!
But without its ears. Without its fruits.
Thus, the painful conclusion of the owner to finally cut it off and end the anguish caused by the already unyielding land.
One day, the farmer took an axe and went to the middle of the field to cut the corn tree.
He struck on the trunk once, twice, thrice. The third strike took a good fist size chunk of the already wooded trunk and when he cleared the chips that barred the hole, there came a strange rumbling from within the bowels of the corn tree, a gurgling sound akin to the growling of a dragon from some subterranean tomb.
He leapt backward and took a stock of the white granules that seemed to ooze out of the hole… and then … Lo ! and Behold !
He suddenly shouted to the top of his voice: ‘Sacks ! Give me empty sacks ! Plenty of empty
Sacks !
For what came out from the severed trunk in endless fashion were grits, CORN GRITS already milled and polished to exact whiteness and size 12 of the true Cebuano corn !
Thus was born the Cebuano’s passion for corn and all those that goes with it.
******
HUSBAND: ‘That man is doing to his wife what I won’t do to a pig.’
WIFE: ‘Why, what’s he doing ?’
HUSBAND: ‘He’s kissing her !’
******
A Peeping Tom on his nocturnal voyeurism paying a peep to a newly-wed couple supposedly billeted in a beach house.
Upon coming to his hole in the wall, he peered through but was met with the inky darkness of the room. There was a whispered sound, however, resembling the knocking clap of castanets: Takatak ! takatak ! takatak ! takataktak !
He used his NVG (Night Vision Goggles) and … PRESTO !
What he saw was a pair of Human Skeletons … dancing the CHA-CHA !
Hence, the sound! hehe …
******
WHAT’S THIS ???
BEN: ‘Steve, you going fishing ?
STEVE: ‘Who, me ? No, I’m going fishing.’
BEN: ‘Oh, I thought you going fishing !’
******
The woman in the bar said: ‘Can you tell me about this story that you seem to be preoccupied these days?’
The author answered: ‘Alright. Listen. There was once a trio of ants marooned in an empty cup. Two of them were females and the other, a male. The females kept asking the male to help them get out of the cup for fear that hot water might be poured unto them.
The male merely shrugged and gave his Mona Lisa smile.
The two females became hysterical but then again pleading to the male to please help them find a way out.
Finally, the male ant answered: ‘Yes, I can help you get out but on one condition.’
‘Why, what is in your mind? What is that condition?’ asked the females.
‘I’d like to make love to the both of you,’ answered the male ant.
And so they made love surrounded with the claustrophobic wall of the cup; the male pouring out the passion and lust for the two female ants until exhaustion consumed them to slumber and the dawn found them already out of the cup.
The two females looked out for the male but he was nowhere to be found.
And then the eerie SILENCE …
WOMAN: ‘What happened? How did they get out from the cup?’
AUTHOR: ‘You want to know? Well, I can satisfy you curiosity it you agree to a one Condition.’
WOMAN: ‘And that would be….
AUTHOR: ‘Same with the ants !’
******
People, like many other things become dull when alone. Perhaps that was why God, seeing Adam so lonely in the garden of Eden, took a rib from him and invented the first “Loudspeaker”.
******
A young matron greeted her husband on the front porch and said: ‘Darling, let’s kill the turkey for tomorrow is our wedding anniversary.
’The husband, knowing that their marriage was not a successful and happy one; answered’: ‘Let the poor animal live. It has nothing to do with our rotten marriage!’
